A quiet week on the blog, as I’m traveling. In the meantime, I’ve been thinking again how Ted Cruz has such an unnatural demeanor that he is either the Zodiac Killer or an alien infiltrator, seeking to destroy our planet from within. While musing the latter possibility, I started posting examples on Twitter, and I thought I’d share them here. They’ve been quite popular on Twitter, so I suspect I might be onto something.
First up: Cruz demonstrates that he is a normal guy, just like you or me.
He is also highly patriotic, and familiar with all the customs of our country.
Like every other Earth-person, however, Cruz isn’t all about work: he can get down and party.
Ted is quite the comedian, too, and has a repertoire of jokes that he’s been saving since childhood.
(That last was is, by far, my most popular tweet ever.)
As a future master human statesman, Cruz has learned how to properly calm down people in a crisis situation.
He’s quite the singer, too, and knows by heart the lyrics to all the classics.
(Later, that same photo inspired another post that was too long for Twitter.)
No matter what, Ted wants you to know that he’s a natural born citizen.
No matter what, however, Cruz is looking out for your freedoms.
And he’s one of us!
With this silliness out of the way, more science & weird fiction next week…
P.S. for clarity: being an alien does not preclude Ted Cruz from also being the Zodiac Killer.
UPDATE: I keep coming up with more attempts of Ted Cruz to act like a human. He still doesn’t get it, though.
As Ted Cruz once defended a law against masturbation, he felt he should clear the record about his own habits.