The Muslimoclockobomb conspiracy: connecting the dots

By now, you have all no doubt heard about 14-year-old Ahmed Mohamed, who brought a home-made “clock” to his Texas school to show to his engineering teacher and was arrested when he was unable to explain why it was not a bomb to investigating policemen.  And who wouldn’t have been suspicious, considering Ahmed’s explanation of this so-called “clock?”

Irving Police spokesman Officer James McLellan told the station, “We attempted to question the juvenile about what it was and he would simply only tell us that it was a clock.”

Really, a non-guilty student would have gone into much more detail, as was noted on twitter.

Ahmed was soon released, and no charges will be filed against him.  But the threat has been revealed: as noted by the not-at-all-racist-and-delusional Center for Security Policy, Ahmed had in essence built “half a bomb.”  The fear spread in the wake of Ahmed’s actions has been devastating: Former half-term Governor and permanent national treasure Sarah Palin is now so frightened that she thinks she’s the Queen of England.

I’m here to tell you that we must be more careful.  In fact, half-a-bombs are not only around us everywhere, they are being boldly sold online for anyone to purchase.  No reasonable person could ever imagine that a clock would be a good project for a young person to work on to learn the basics of electronics.   This is a threat to our national security, and it is time for us to WAKE UP.

A few seconds of Google searching took me to SparkFun Electronics, where they are boldly selling the first half of bombs without shame.

clockit

Note the snooze feature, in case your bomb is going off early and you decide you’d like 9 more minutes to terrorize.

But SparkFun are not the only America haters out there; Carl’s Electronics will sell you a half-bomb with a giant screen, so everybody in the blast radius can see exactly what time it is, if you know what I mean.

clockkit

The FBI should get on all these electronics shops that are waging jihad on Texas schools.

There are even more examples; a visit to Ramsey Electronics webpage shows that they will also sell you a half of a weapon of mass destruction.

Why do online electronics shops hate America?

Why do online electronics shops hate America?

You might think: sure, these are all clocks, but it’s kinda stupid to assume that every clock out there is a bomb and something that only is used to keep time.  WELL THEN HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THEM SELLING COUNTDOWN TIMERS, THEN?

Geez, electronics shops, why not just sell surface to air missiles to ISIS!1!?

Geez, electronics shops, why not just sell surface to air missiles to ISIS!!?

Does this seem like paranoia?  Well, I’m here to tell you that these so-called “Christian” electronics shops are practically encouraging their clocks for use in jihad, as SparkFun does.

clockitboom

I think this conclusively proves that electronics shops all over the country, and all over the world, are in collusion with Islamic radicals to wage jihad on Texas schools.  Ahmed himself was almost certainly part of a bigger plot to discredit Islamic bigots, as the not-drunk-all-the-time hate activist Pamela Geller explained.

“The whole thing has clearly been a setup, and its effect will be to make Americans less safe,” Geller said. “If you ever see a Muslim with a suspicious object, remember the lesson of Ahmed Mohamed: to say something would be ‘racism.’ That could end up being the epitaph of America and the free world.”

Yes, clocks will bring about the destruction of America and the free world.  The only sensible response, the proper conservative response, it to ban all non-Sun-based methods of time-keeping.  Get rid of electronic clocks, pendulum clocks, and nuclear clocks (there’s a whole other post on that last one) and return to the sublime simplicity and safety of the sundial.  This works out well for many conservatives, who have been remained at least fifty years behind the current times anyway.

So, keep an eye out for clocks, the gateway drug to timed explosive devices!  Remember, real terrorists definitely make their bombs look as suspicious as possible, with wires and a clock prominently displayed, just like in the movies.  Know the signs!

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4 Responses to The Muslimoclockobomb conspiracy: connecting the dots

  1. And of course we ought to mention the fact that the alleged “bomb” didn’t have any room in it, or any sign of any explosive material, which, as most people are aware, is an essential component of a “real”‘ bomb.

  2. carfanel says:

    You’d besurprised how much damage you can do with a sundial if you’re really cross. The pointy bit on them, for example – is that safe to leave in the hands of our children?

  3. Yildirim Aktas says:

    What a beautiful article. “This works out well for many conservatives, who have been remained at least fifty years behind the current times anyway.” I think, sadly it is a lot more that 50 years.

  4. alysdexia says:

    You could rig a fòtodiode and op amp to a sundial…

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